You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
