they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
