I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
