And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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