When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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