you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
