dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
