Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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