she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
