The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
