Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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