I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
