Already got asked if we're dating
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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