piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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