Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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