She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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