I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
