Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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