This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
