She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
