I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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