I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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