What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
