Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
be right there i have to get my cape
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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