I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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