can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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