I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
