Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
