you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
