i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
