Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
