take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
