U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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