I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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