Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
420 ftw
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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