We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
