and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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