i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
