Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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