You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
