Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
