i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
