Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
