i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You can't just leave with hair like that
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
