It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
