Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
