Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
