you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
