My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dear god my vagina.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
