I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
