Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
